10 Things I Learned From Being Depressed

10 THINGS I LEARNED FROM BEING DEPRESSED

Around 2014-15, I went through a period of depression. When I look back on it now, it seems so confusing and unexplainable, but also so trivial and almost even ridiculous. But, that’s how depression is. It’s not about what happened to you, it’s about how you experienced what happened to you. Your mind can make anything amazing or terrible, happy or sad, beautiful or ugly.

During that time, there was a gap between who I was and who I was trying to become, which began to grow, little by little, day by day, until I sank into depression. I was chasing my perception of success that was based on what I saw other health professionals doing. I was lying to myself and buying into the illusion that I had to be like someone else—someone I was comparing myself to be. The world around me kept reinforcing my belief that happiness was dependent on accomplishing and having more on the outside. ‘When I have enough money then I’ll be worthy of a good relationship. When I have X number of clients, then I’ll be successful.’ It was one condition after the next before I was going to be happy. Until then, I’d grind it out, ceaselessly try to self-improve (aka try to change who I was) and take things way too seriously.

Every meditation was a pounding reminder from my soul that I was going in the wrong direction. The more I ignored my soul the more suffering I experienced. So, I did what most people end up doing, I stayed where I was, and I hated it. To dull the pain, I would numb myself out with weed—sliding deeper into the depths of my isolation. It was obvious that I was sabotaging my efforts. But knowing that something is wrong and doing something about it are two different things. In truth, the depression was just a symptom of something deeper. The real problem was that I had learned how to get my emotional needs met through shame and by playing small, because of my fear of self-intimacy. I was terrified to show myself—my authentic self—to other people and to the world, and, maybe even to myself.

I found that the process wasn’t about changing who I was, but rather about embracing myself more fully. The problem was not that I had to become something more, or to fix the very fabric of my being, but that I wasn’t living true to myself. Moving out of the depression was about revealing more of who I was—and claiming that.

Out of the darkness, I decided to change and reach out for help. And that decision was a symbol that I was finally ready to help myself and move in the direction of my soul.

NEVER MEANT TO CRUMBLE

How far down will I go before I learn how to say no? How high will my anger rise before I give up all the lies? Will everything stay inside or will I ever reach out and confide?

I find safety in staying broken as if my life isn’t worth the token. It’s an elaborate illusion designed to create confusion, made by the brilliance of my mind that I hoped to never find.

But I found it nonetheless in the depths of my ambivalence. The truth stings much more when it comes from the core. I struggle with my own relationship as I begin to take ownership.

Does it require a lack of concern in order to finally learn? There must be a good reason for experiencing this cold season. Maybe those who stumble were never meant to crumble?

TOP 10 LESSONS

Keep in mind that these are my experiences and life lessons. Every person’s mental-emotional filter is unique and beautiful in its own right; therefore, each person’s depression is specific to their own experience. I can only speak to what I went through and how powerful it was for me.

1. It’s Normal - It’s Okay to Be Depressed

Life is full of challenging times that break us down. Experiencing death, a broken heart, financial loss, and many other situations, are all enough to send us into depression. When things get heavy and overwhelming for long enough, depression is a survival state that is there for us. Depression slows us way down and even stops us, for the sake of our sanity. There is nothing right or wrong about depression, it’s just a sign that things have gone too far.

2. Depression is Not an Emotion

When someone has been emotionally overloaded for so long, or with enough intensity, their motivation to do anything becomes depressed. Depression is not an emotion, but rather a numbing or burning out of emotions. It is the result of habitual sadness and emotional overwhelm, which brings one down into an empty space. Depression is a protective mechanism that is implemented in order to help the person slow down, recover, and reflect.

Depression is not who you are, it’s simply an empty space for you to stay while you reflect on the meaning of your life. But you have created this story that being depressed is not okay—something that is looked down upon by society. As long you carry this story, you are going to struggle to get out of it.

3. Feeling Again Will Be Painful

Since depression is a burn out of emotions, when you begin to feel again, it’s not pleasant. Often, the feelings send you right back into the depression. Feeling sad, down, and low creates the sensation of emptiness. How you decide to fill that emptiness will dictate how long you stay feeling sad. Filling that emptiness in unhealthy ways will only perpetuate the cycle. When you are depressed, it can seem like your trying to dig yourself out of a hole, which only digs you deeper. The journey out of depression only happens when you face the challenging feelings and feel them fully. No matter how powerful and unpleasant they may seem, your feelings are a symbol of hope and progress.

4. Numbing Yourself Is Not the Solution

When things get so low, you always think that something on the outside is the solution. Since you’re depressed, you turn to instant gratification and substances that numb you out. In high school, my substances were weed and ecstasy. Every high was a taste of pleasure, and a glimpse into the possibility of happiness. So, can you really blame someone for wanting so badly to feel good again? On top of that, the drugs helped me hide the depression from myself, and for the longest time I didn’t think I was depressed.

At some point, you must realize that numbing yourself out is a means of avoiding the fullness of life and your feelings. How many times are you willing to experience the same mistake? And, how long are you willing to stay in the same place?

5. You Have to Go Beyond Yourself

The further into the depression you go, the more you focus on yourself. It’s a self-absorbing problem that circulates unto itself. You take the victim mindset, or maybe it takes you? Either way, you start believing that life is happening to you. “That car crashed into me.” “It wasn’t my fault that she broke up with me.” “My work is too stressful for me to eat healthy.” And then, your mind continues to build and catastrophize the story. You stop taking responsibility for your actions, because if you did, it would start breaking down the validity of why you’re depressed.

Often times, people unconsciously stay depressed because the needy, pathetic nature is a powerful means of getting attention. And for most people, attention equals love.

6. Hiding Doesn’t Work

You tell others that you are totally fine, and half the time you even convince yourself that you are. You discover clever ways of hiding from and avoiding others and pretending that everything is okay—all because it would be more painful to involve them, or to hear another person’s advice. Often, your hiding tactics are more obvious than you think, but they work because most people are extremely uncomfortable interacting with negative feelings and depression. In high school I hid my depression in the depths of my anger. For some reason, people are more accepting of anger than they are of depression.

7. F#%k Everyone, Isolation is My Only Friend

This limiting belief is about feeling like you have to do everything on your own. It’s the lone wolf syndrome. You are an island, you are alone, and you are your only friend. Depression creates the illusion that there is no support around you, and things become so much more difficult because of that.

One of the biggest decisions that I made was to reach out for help. I knew that I had done almost everything I could on my own, but in order for me to move forward I needed help. I started working with a coach who guided and supported me in all the areas that I was scared to work on.

There is always a limitation to how much we can grow on our own. We need relationships to both support and challenge us, so that we can learn and grow.

8. All It Takes Is A Glimmer of Hope

The essence of depression creates a hopeless mentality. Sometimes all it takes is a little bit of hope to remind you of the value of life. One experience could easily trigger and remind you of the hope within. When this happens the scales tip and you begin to see the beauty of life again. This could be anything from an inspiring song, to the beauty of a sunset, to a conversation with someone special. Don’t ever underestimate the power of hope and its ability to create a shift towards light and love.

9. It Teaches You to Value Life Again

The natural tendency is to think less of yourself and to question your worth. By doing this to yourself, you do the same towards life. Without noticing, you degrade the very essence of life that is all around. So much of coming out of depression is about understanding the gift that is your life. The essence of who you are is significant and so is the world. Rising from the bottom opens your eyes and provides you with a whole new perspective. After going through such a challenging time, you eventually begin to appreciate life again.

10. Depression is a Growth Opportunity

Much of depression is about going into the darkness. When you’re in it, you struggle to see any reason or value for it. But when you come out, you realize that your most profound life lessons and personal growth happened because of it.

After the depression, there are two choices on how to perceive it: you can see it as something that brought you down, or as something that helped you learn and grow. The people who can look back on the suffering within depression and say, ‘thank you,’ are the ones who transform the suffering into meaning. It can be a massive growth opportunity or emotional baggage (that will lead to another bout of depression). It’s your choice. I hope you take the path of growth and find meaning from it.

Hope you enjoyed this post. Leave a comment below and let me know what you think!