HOW TO UPGRADE YOUR SELF-CONCEPT
The most powerful beliefs are those related to how you define yourself. Who you believe you are creates your reality. The way you think (self-image) and feel (self-esteem) about yourself determines your success and happiness.
In high school I was depressed most of the time. My naive outlook on life led me astray. Like most teenagers, I became obsessed with everything on the outside. I searched for acknowledgment, acceptance, and respect from everyone around me. My self-worth either increased or decreased dependent on whether my family, friends, and schoolmates approved. I tried to find myself in the opinions of others.
When you search for yourself in others, who don’t even know themselves, you are bound to get more lost.
I slowly but surely developed limiting beliefs about myself, what I deserved, and how I should live. “I am not ready.” “I have to do this all on my own.” “Who am I to achieve my dreams and have success?” “I am not special.” “I have to accomplish a, b, and c, in order to have love.” “I am not good enough.”
These beliefs flooded my mind. They were injected into me by my parents, my family, my friends, and society. The saddest part was that most of it wasn’t intentional. My parents weren’t purposely brainwashing me with limiting beliefs. Most of it was them unconsciously dumping their limiting beliefs onto me. I allowed what I was receiving on the outside to manipulate my mind. But at that age, who could blame me.
A year ago, I might have told you that I completely broke through all my limiting beliefs. And yes, there have been some major breakthroughs. The way I think and feel about myself is exponentially better. However, it’s a process in which I have to work at everyday.
YOUR SELF-CONCEPT
One of the biggest stories that you have created is your self-concept, which is who you believe you are. Over the course of your life, you have come to identify yourself in a specific way. Your self-concept is the story you tell yourself everyday. It is the collection of beliefs about who you are. Every experience throughout your life has shaped and conditioned your mental outlook and your beliefs. Your self-concept is composed of two factors: your self-image and your self-esteem.
Your self-image is how you SEE and think about yourself. When you look at yourself in the mirror, you have a collection of thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about who you are. If you have a negative perception of yourself you will constantly dilute your potential. When you have a positive outlook on yourself, and you like who you are, you show up and live more fully. The way you see yourself on the inside directly impacts how you will behave on the outside.
Your self-esteem is how you FEEL about yourself. Your self-esteem is your emotional interaction about yourself. Everything you think, decide, and experience, creates feelings that either strengthen or weaken your self-esteem. The way you feel about yourself determines your perceived level of worthiness and value. Having a strong self-esteem is the result of emotional work and healthy expression. This requires the willingness to explore your deepest feelings, and to find functional ways to get your emotional needs met.
In summary, your self-image is how you see and think about yourself, and your self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. When it comes to the mind, the conscious mind functions on images and thoughts (self-image), and the subconscious mind functions on emotions (self-esteem).
CHILDHOOD BELIEFS
When you were born you didn’t have a self-concept. There were no good or bad thoughts, beliefs, or stories about you. At this stage, you were simply a pure individual taking in all the energy and information. As a child, your self-concept was developed through interacting and learning from everything outside of you. The people closest to you—your parents, siblings, teachers, and other authority figures—all played a major role in your internal perception of what you believed about yourself. Your level of self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-respect, was molded by your upbringing.
From day 1 you have been developing a relationship with yourself, which has been, and always will be, the most important one. You will be in and out of relationships, but you will be with yourself forever.
Your mind can easily lock onto limiting beliefs, which can become your greatest barriers in life. The problem is that most of your beliefs were developed during childhood and have never been questioned and re-developed as an adult. If you are still choosing to believe all the beliefs your parents injected into you, most likely your self-concept (self-image + self-esteem) is not where you would like it to be. Fortunately, this does not have to be the case. You can change.
CHANGING YOUR SELF-CONCEPT
Remember, your self-concept is a collection of beliefs. In order to change your self-concept you need to change and upgrade your beliefs, specifically those about yourself. The development of a belief starts with your thoughts. When a thought becomes dominant enough it becomes a belief. The good news is that you have control of the thoughts that you want to think. Therefore, you can change your beliefs and your self-concept. Having a strong self-concept can improve all areas of your life. Here are 3 concepts that can help you upgrade:
1. SELF-ACCEPTANCE
The foundation of your self-concept is rooted in self-acceptance. When you accept yourself as the unique individual that you are, your self-concept goes up. Acceptance means loving all of your positive and negative traits, loving all your strengths along with all your flaws, and embracing yourself completely. The more you accept yourself the more open you are to accepting others. When you show up more fully for others, your self-acceptance and self-esteem improves as well.
Another way to view the self-concept is by how much you like yourself. When you like yourself you improve your self-image and self-esteem. The more you like and accept yourself the more other people like and accept you.
2. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
Having a strong self-concept is about having confidence in our ability to achieve, succeed, and be happy. Furthermore, it relates to how much you trust yourself, your abilities, and your capacity to overcome challenges. In order to do all of this, you must take responsibility for your actions. The more responsible you are, the higher your self-concept. Ownership is one of the great indicators of a mature self-concept.
3. FOCUS ON YOUR IDEAL-SELF
You have a perception of who you would love to be. This is your future self. When you focus on this, you focus on your dreams, your purpose, and your goals. One of the best ways to go about this is by visualizing your ideal-self and future. When you close your eyes and concentrate on the future, you activate your imagination. You can see (self-image) yourself already doing, being, and having exactly what you want. And, when you immerse yourself into it, you feel (self-esteem) all the amazing feelings along with it. Concentrating on your ideal-self will create intense energy that will pull you in the direction of your dreams.
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